CANDID Interview: Jodie Patterson
Jodie Patterson is a social activist, entrepreneur, writer, and author of The Bold World: A Memoir of Family and Transformation (2019) and Born Ready The True Story of a Boy Named Penelope (2021). She has been lauded for her activist work by Hillary Clinton, The Advocate, Family Circle, Essence, Cosmopolitan, and Yahoo!, among others. She holds the position of Chair of the board of the Human Rights Campaign Foundation and advises Mount Sinai Hospital’s Transgender Center as well as The Ackerman Institute’s Gender and Family Project.
Jodie is a sought-after public speaker addressing a wide range of audiences about identity, gender, parenting, beauty, and entrepreneurship. Patterson was appointed by the United Nations as a Champion of Change and, perhaps most impressively, she is a former circus acrobat who performed in the Big Apple Circus. She lives in Brooklyn, New York, where she co-parents her five children with love, education, and family solidarity.
“Now more than ever, I don't want to hide behind an illusion and pretend that things are status quo. I want to acknowledge everything, the mistakes, the oversights, even my mercurial emotions. And after I acknowledge them, I want to find small acts of joy that help me through these really tough moments.” -Jodie
What are you doing to keep your kids engaged throughout the day, while you're all at home, and how are you approaching your work?
My at-home-kids are 10, 12, and 14, so because they're a bit older, much of their day is independent. My approach with them, and really life in general in the wake of COVID, has shifted a bit. I still want us to be highly productive, and my long term goals for the family - faith, activism, collaboration, and economic health - still remain. But where we use to be structured around specific events all day long, from morning to night, now I just try to give us three anchors in the day and let the individual set their own rhythm. (I'll add that their rhythm has to include my non-negotiable's like: school, eating, exercising and family time). So, for example, I've set a morning rise at 8:45, a family dinner at 7:30pm and bedtime at 11:30pm, and in between those points, they fill in the gaps as they see fit. So far it's working fairly well :)
They fill in school, social, gaming, exercise, room tiding, and chores on their own. COVID had blurred boundaries for us and made it almost impossible to grab a moment alone in my house. So my method has been to try to re-establish some new boundaries that keep us healthy. Everyone has been given a unique space in the house where they can retreat, and the ability to dictate much of their day. Honestly, I feel they play too much on their devices, go to sleep too late - but on the flip, all my non-negotiables get done. So it's a win-win, I guess. This is where I'm forcing myself to be flexible.
How are you lifting your spirits and keeping sane in the midst of this new normal?
My cousin asked me why I looked a bit sad the other day on Instagram. My response was - Because I am. I am a bit sad and a bit off. We all are - in more or less degrees. And no beauty cream or DIY eyelash extender, or cozy sweatpant or mantra will hide that reality. Now more than ever, I don't want to hide behind an illusion and pretend that things are status quo. I want to acknowledge everything, the mistakes, the oversights, even my mercurial emotions. And after I acknowledge them, I want to find small acts of joy that help me through these really tough moments. Because after each moment is another and another and another moment.
What I've learned from COVID is: moments can shift quickly, hours can change a scenario, the passing of a few days can offer a viable solution and weeks bring forth an entirely new reality. So when I wash my face in the middle of the day with my favorite cleanser, or make my bed super pretty, or cook a meal I've never cooked before, or run for an hour while listening to Drake - it is to change the moment.
What's your biggest challenge right now?
My 10-year-old son is by far my most pressing complication. He doesn't want any "imposed structure." He argues down most of my ideas. He needs an enormous amount of physical activity, dribbles a basketball while he thinks, takes me around in circles just to make a simple-ass point, chews with his mouth open, and basically thinks I'm kind of stupid. IDK... I'm just going to keep on keeping on with my approach and pivot when I see a better opportunity. Let me know if you have any brilliant ideas.
A close second is budgeting. I'm constantly focused on reducing our everyday expenses: I've deferred car insurance payments, spent hours making sure I'm getting refunds on purchased travel tickets that are no longer valid, asked everyone in the house to take shorter showers, turn off lights during the day, and discontinue any apps that we haven't used in a month. I'm putting my eye on every dollar and seeing where I can postpone the spend. Everything is under question today. The only spend I won't give up is anal glad extraction for my puppy. That's where I draw the line and reassure myself that the 20 bucks are dollars well spent.
What is your ultimate S@H garment that's giving you coupled confidence and comfort?
I don't have one thing I wear all the time; in fact, I've tried to move liberally through my closet each day, dressing even though I'm not going any damn place. Each day I intentionally put on something of importance. Nothing fancy, nothing complicated, but always something that means something - to me. Sometimes it's been my midnight blue, drawstring pajama pants by Lingua Franca, which my friend Rachelle sent to me when I was in the hospital. I'll match them with my Clare V yellow cheetah print hoodie. And then top it all off with my favorite Human Rights Campaign equality tube socks. Feels just right. And most importantly, it reminds me of my goals - faith, activism, collaboration, and economic health.
How are you reinventing your Mother's Day this year?
I have no idea. I just hope to have some fresh flowers on the kitchen table and a glass of rose close by. I stopped drinking after I got out of the hospital and haven't really missed it. But on MD... a pretty glass filled with a chilled rosé sounds totally appropriate. Maybe a fire pit in our back yard. A stoop wave to our neighbors. A chat with my mom, and a long game of monopoly with the kids - so I can watch them win.
ARE YOU INSPIRED BY JODIE? KNOW SOMEONE THAT WOULD BE, TOO? SHARE HER CANDID MOMENT.
About this Interview Series
As Mother’s Day approaches I’ve thought a lot about the importance of shining a light on all moms, particularly in the midst of this unprecedented new normal. The world is changing, but honoring and celebrating mom remains intact. Mother’s come in many forms; some gave birth to us, some just became a new mom, some adopted us, some are grandmothers, some enter our lives later in life, some are a best friend, and some found us in times of need and invited us into their lives. As part of my Candid Interview series, I had the pleasure of connecting with inspiring women who are mothers, founders, and dynamic individuals who are sharing their stories of navigating the now and how they’ll reinvent Mother’s Day this year amidst this ongoing pandemic. -LKS
This article was originally published on May 7 by Town & Style St. Louis.