Compliments to You
Image: Adobe Stock
Compliments are terrific and bring on all the good feelings — collectively giving and receiving them. Authentic praise to someone can be such a great gift to offer, and in return, it increases your mood. It's also profoundly impactful to be on the receiving end of kind words. Both are seemingly not always the easiest thing to do — but they should be.
Doling out niceties can be occasionally awkward or nerve-racking. Sometimes even concerning as to how the receiver will interpret the appreciative words coming their way unexpectedly, possibly taken out of context, and as a result, cause you to avoid making a compliment for fear of ineffective delivery. Or fear of even saying the words out loud. For instance, the person in front of you in the grocery store has on a fabulous coat that suits them from your eye, but you don't speak up because they're a stranger. There are all sorts of reasons (ahem, excuses).
An authentic compliment goes a very long way to making you feel good and it goes even further than that. On the flip side, lack of receiving compliments has the potential to create distance between your relationships. Giving and receiving thoughtful exchanges increases mutual appreciation, sets the tone, and is extremely powerful.
Now, for receiving. Validate the compliment. You deserve it. You can still be humble while simultaneously feeling confident in the thoughtful, positive comments you've just heard or read. I'm sure that at one point or another, you've deflected or downplayed something nice communicated to you. I have. But I've come to learn (and still in practice) that this doesn't help anyone.
A compliment to you (that you've received well) is a compliment returned to me and vice versa. It's a habit loop. It's a shared gift of generosity. The best kind.
Let's review the difference:
You: "I love your coat!"// Receiver (old reply): "Oh this old thing, I threw it on in a hurry." VS. Receiver (new reply): "Thank you. It’s my favorite!"
When the receiver shares the *new* reply, this, in turn, validates your eye and level of taste (and the compliment) as opposed to the *old* reply shutting down your compliment as not as impactful.
Another example:
You: "You look great, I love your earrings."// Receiver (old reply): "Oh, I got them on sale, they're not a big deal." VS. Receiver (new reply): I'm so excited you noticed!"
When the receiver responds to you with enthusiasm and delight in the fact that you noticed their earrings, they're in turn saying (signaling) that you have great taste.
I have more important news. Not only does this shifted response and compliments framework validate you. Giving and receiving compliments also breaks down a perceived barrier of disconnection. It's disarming and engaging. It starts a conversation. Think of this in social settings or in the workplace environment. Compliments bridge a connection. They're the ultimate ice breaker. And clothing plays a role much larger than you may realize.
People have so many different styles: driven by culture, race, religion, gender — and much more. There are endless influences and reasons why you choose your own style. This is the same for someone else — and no two people are alike.
Complimenting someone thoughtfully on their style is kind, but it also brings you closer together on a human level. This exchange enables an easier connection and the greater opportunity to learn about someone. To learn something new. It impacts working together on a project or different job levels of employees, a client relationship, an educator, your best friend, or your neighbor. It's endless.
Giving sincere compliments is the gift of love. Receiving compliments with sincerity is the gift of love. Keep this altruistic wheel turning. It will provide you with all the joy and connection that you deserve. Perhaps more than you even know.
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