Yesterday, I was getting my routine hair cut and color.

I go in every five weeks and am in the process of growing my hair somewhat long. Over the past three years, since my pixie days, this regrowth has been (literally) in the hands of Aimee, a phenomenally talented stylist. The relationship I have with Aimee is quite similar to the one I have with clients.

How, you might ask? Here are two great (and short) stories of Aimee taking the lead with her expertise and why I value her and it… they illustrate knowing when to be the expert, when to let the expert lead, when to lean into a client’s wants, and when to gently nudge back on a client’s preference or comfort zone.

1. Time for a chop

If you’ve grown your hair out, you know that every millimeter of growth is a home run. Slowly creeping towards your goal, this miniscule growth is major. You also know that trimming the ends is vital to ongoing healthy hair and fostering length. Well, the last few times I have seen Aimee, she did some very minor snips in certain sections of hair, nothing “drastic,” due to my direction and request. But yesterday, it was apparent that we needed to take off about an inch of hair at the bottom and I didn’t want to face the facts at first.

I knew it. She knew it. I eventually blurted out to her that I think my ends are looking really gnarly. That they seemed really thin at the bottom of my hair and felt like it wasn’t growing. She kindly agreed that it wasn’t looking so great at the bottom. I didn’t want to face the reality of cutting my hair off to clean up the thin, split ends.

After wavering on the idea of cutting this hair off, Aimee quickly reinforced that it was “literally ten small strands of hair” that she would be getting rid of. This made me LOL — because she was right and I needed to let it go (my hair and in my mind) — and it reinforced my being a tad ridiculous (my word, not hers) in challenging the idea that cutting the split ends off my hair would mean I was doing more harm to regrowth potential than good. I needed to stop holding onto those last little strands.

Aimee graciously let me play this out for the 90-minute window she was foiling my hair and the first part of the appointment. She stood there, doing her expert work, and likely would have waited until the right time to address the cut… when the cut was about to happen (after all the color was rinsed). But really, she was also respecting my preference and letting me work it out for myself. If not this trip, then definitely in five weeks from now. That’s a sign of a good expert. She let me get to this decision, having the information and the moment of choice right in front of me, without outright saying I needed a cut as soon as I sat in her chair. That wouldn’t have gone down well. She understands my preferences, how I approach this part of my life and appearance, my disposition, and can really interpret when to push and when to wait.

2. Thick spot

I have very fine hair. There’s a fair amount of it, but it’s thin and fine. I’m good with that. In fact, I don’t like when my hair feels too thick. Personal preference. I used to ask Aimee to take the thinning shears and target a very specific spot on the upper/back left side of my head where I thought there was extra thickness in my mane. Only on the left. Not on the right. She happily obliged. This was in the early days of us working together.

So when I saw her for my cut yesterday, after I accepted that my ends needed some fresh ends, she started to blow dry my hair. Occasionally Aimee will do a dry cut after the color and blowdry. It’s an appreciated finishing touch. Her meticulous nature and skill shine in this moment in particular. So when the dryer shut off and I could hear again, I touched that spot and realized I hadn’t asked her to thin it out in a long while, and asked her when the last time she cut that part of my hair was.

Aimee reinforced that it had been a while, months, maybe longer since she did thinning on that spot. That there wasn’t any additional thickness in that section — I could feel it — there was was. She was right. It felt the same as the right side.

I had it in my head for some reason for some period of time that that left side of my hair seemed off from the other side of my hair. I thought this was apparent. Aimee tactfully let me know that was never the case, from the start of our time together. And that she appeased my request a few times knowing that it was harmless, but that I needed to realize that it was me, not my hair. She had stopped thinning that section in the past when I wasn’t asking. I had completely forgotten about it until this most recent time together.

We had another good laugh about this supposed thick spot that didn’t in fact exist. We worked through it together and now we were appreciating, together, this past idea I had about my appearance.

It’s important that we meet people where they are at. I do this every day whether in a closet, in a conference room, or on a call with a client. There are moments to be explicit in expertise, and then there are moments to be more nuanced, and help someone get to their growth point by guiding them to realize versus outright telling. It’s a fine walk that ebbs and flows minute to minute. And it’s worth every moment of both being the expert and listening to the experts in my life.

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